i’m always shocked by the number of people [on tumblr alone] i know this affects :(..

they’re so hard to explain and it seems like no-one understands but i’ve said it before i’ll say it again i’m completely here for anyone who needs to talk or anything, or just have anyone listen [because in my experience..thats hard enough to find i know..] just anyone! message box is always open! <3

I was just looking for a bit of…understanding maybe…i was just…wondering if anyone seems to find this anxiety and stuff as crippling as i do? it has literally got to the point where i can’t do anything myself if i want to go anywhere with friends it’s got to be about 2 minutes or less away from my house..i feel like i need an escape route really quickly from everything all the time..waiting to get home or waiting to be picked up by my dad i just don’t feel like i can handle it everything gets worse i get wound up and upset and panic…

the fear of feeling sick and panicking..is what makes me feel sick and panic…and it’s just a big circle that goes round and round and never ends!

it’s been a downwards spiral since january with a super crash in march, i missed most of the last couple of months of school, which devastated me completely…i crawled through my exams and had my dad waiting on me for when i came out of them because i couldn’t just go home and be by myself..i had to get access to breaks during exams incase i panicked during it [luckily i just about made it through them all without them]

now exams are over i just want to be able to go to uni and be around people who aren’t my dad!! i don’t even care if i can’t be by myself as long as i can just be with people! i don’t know why i’m stuck to my dad..my nan thought i was worried about him..i said i used to be when i was young now i feel like i’m more worried about myself..but when i think about it maybe i am worried about him…i don’t want anything to happen to him and i know it’s stupid to feel like that all the time! but maybe it’s never gone away..

oh i’m sorry! this turned into a huge rant i didn’t mean it to…..

Anyway..as i say..here to talk :) it’s horrible when you think nobody understands or cares or wants to listen! As long as everyone knows i’m always here!!

xxxx